Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Post vacation blues

I returned from vacation on Sunday night. Oh what a glorious vacation it was. I relaxed. I drank. I ate. And I didn't think about work at all. I was completely happy. I guess ultimately this is why I've been avoiding the blog for the last two days - I fell right back into my 'normal' eating and drinking habits.

After thinking about it, I have never been able to attend family holidays or vacations without falling back into these habits. In my family, we regularly serve a spread of appetizers before the actual meal. Then, by time the meal is served everyone is full, but we all eat anyway. We joke about it and it may be funny for everyone in my family who is normal sized, but for me it is really prohibitive to how I am trying to change my lifestyle. Of course, I don't blame my family for my current eating habits. I am an adult, I decide what I eat and how much. And I choose whether I go exercise or not.

So for the last two days I have made the decision not to eat healthy and to sit on the couch and go to bed at 9 pm. These are the decisions I have made and I know the scale will make me pay.

I'm suffering from having no motivation at all. Why am I so obsessed with changing my eating habits and becoming "healthy" when I am seemingly just as healthy as the size 2 I sat next to at the hair salon tonight?

Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea. This is just a small sampling of the diseases that affect most people who have the same BMI as I do. But I suffer from none of them. Not even pre-Diabetes or borderline blood pressure. Ok so I had low good cholesterol (though not high cholesterol) 2 years ago at my yearly exam, but I've since introduced avocados, almonds, etc into my diet.

My paternal grandmother ate high fat, high calorie foods, drank beer and lived to be 86 years old, so why can't I?

Do I feel better when I exercise? Absoslutely. For some reason that alone isn't enough motivation or enough to fuel my willpower for long.

I'm not asking for someone to give me the magic answers. Mainly I'm just putting my thoughts out there for everyone to read because I haven't posted in over a week and felt guilty about that.


Stephen said...

I wish I could give you the magic answers, but I'm still looking for them myself.

Vacations are meant to be escapes from our normal everyday lives and routines. When we go on vacation, we do things that we wouldn't dare do at home. For example, we'll sleep as late as we want on a weekday, we'll drink as much alcohol as we want every day (I know I do), and we'll also eat everything under the sun.

Hal and I ate everything that we wanted when we went up to Nashville for the BL auditions. I'm talking fast food, fried food, junk, and a long night on broadway st. I gained 9 lbs. that weekend, and I felt extremely guilty. Here I was auditioning to be on the Biggest Loser and I was eating the worst junk that I could and drinking as much as I wanted.

I felt terrible the following week, but I had to suck it up and keep on keeping on.

Since that trip this past March I've lost 60 lbs. So did my vacation binge affect my ability to lose weight? NO!!

I'm telling you this because I don't want you to experience the health problems that I've experienced: the sleep apnea, high blood pressure, and hypothyroid problem.

Throw that guilt away and get back into your healthy routine.

I know you'll be fine.


P.S. Hey, are you still up for a weight loss challenge? You're not going to chicken out on me are you?

Jenn said...

I totally know where you are coming from, I too recently went on vacation to see my family and did the same exact thing. I ate really bad food, drank, and generally had a great time but when I came home, my clothes felt too tight and I just felt generally crappy about myself.

But, I just decided that I was NOT going to be that person anymore so I jumped back on the wagon and starting eating healthy again. I went back to the gym for the first time in a month. And, I feel so much better. I think sometimes we all need a little indulgence, and we all need a little encouragement. So, I hope you hop back up and dust yourself off and get back on track.

Good Luck!

Christine said...

Okay this is meant to be a motivational comment, so please interpret it as such! :-) Please do not beat yourself up over something that is in the past that you cannot change. There's absolutely nothing you can do about those behaviors now, so there's really no point on belaboring them. Instead, you can think to yourself, "What COULD I have done? What SHOULD I have done?" Then file that information away in your brain so that hopefully you have more healthy strategies for vacationing in the future.

I could relate a lot to your post about the non-existent health issues. At my highest weight, I didn't have cholesterol issues. No high blood pressure. No diabetes. No sleep apnea. I did, however, have depression. I was utterly depressed about how I looked, and that effected me nearly every moment of every day.

If you're looking for motivation, then ask yourself this: How are your knees and back going to feel after 50 years of being 300+ pounds? How will you feel about yourself? What will your memories of your youth be like? You may feel FINE right now, but perhaps you should look to your future and ask yourself how your current lifestyle will impact you 10, 20 years from now. Are you the person right now that you dreamed you would be? When you close your eyes and envision the "perfect you," is it an exact replica of who you are right now? If yes, then hey, awesome! Don't change a thing! But if you see areas for improvement, then don't let that goal and dream slip away.

As a last comment about your grandmother: I'm a huge proponent of eating high-fat, high-calorie foods, as she apparently was. I think that's one of the reasons why I've lost weight this time around. Before, I would eat "low-calorie this" and "low-fat that" and "fat-free whatever." I believe these foods are ladden with preservatives and "fake foods" that make the food appear/taste like "real food" but actually do not have healthy ingredients in them. These days I eat foods high in fat: almonds, cheese, avocados, fish, etc. I eat these foods, but I do not eat a lot of them. I also drink an alcoholic beverage (beer, wine, cosmos) once or twice a week. My point here is this: You can eat these foods and enjoy yourself, and LOSE weight. Yes you can! The secret is in the portion sizes and self-control.


Jill said...

I'm popping over from Who Ate My Blog? and hope that you'll feel encouraged by all these comments. Weight loss is hard - whether you have to lose 20 or 100 pounds. It's a struggle.

Just start back - you'll feel better. Good luck!

Carol said...

Oh, I can see "guilt" has a firm grip on you! First of all, yes, SOME people can be overweight (or obese) and still live long lives. But the odds are highly against it. Are you a gambler? This is your life, not your paycheck sitting on the poker table.

Secondly, you messed up. So what? I promise you will mess up again and again for as long as you live. Is that a reason to throw in the towel? Hell no! Just realize you are not perfect, will never be perfect, and accept that you will sometimes make bad choices. The pressure to be perfect is too much for any of us! Instead of beating yourself up over it, learn from it! The whole key to losing weight and KEEPING it off (and yes, this IS the magic answer everyone is looking for) is to keep at it! Yes, when you fall, dust off your knees and get back to it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. You want to mitigate your damage as quickly as possible but this is hard to do if you are punishing yourself for being human. Relax! Take a deep breath, step on that scale, and keep on keeping on!!!!

Mess In A Dress said...

Everything that you wrote...well, I've thought it more than once. I've probably thought it more than once this week. Even though I'm pregnant, I still feel guilty when I eat things the pre-pregnant me would not have eaten. And I still feel anxiety when I go to the doctor, and I'm always prepared for her to tell me I've gained too much baby weight.

Here's the thing--it's okay to fall off the horse, or wagon, or whatever. It's okay to stay off for a while. The truth of the matter is that nobody can make you or motivate you until you are READY to do it. That's not an excuse to stay down, it's just a fact. What you're doing is like taking on a second job. It's a lot of work and often thankless. I know you can do it, and I'm always rooting for you (for US) every day of my life.

Dr. Fat To Fit said...

Thought I'd visit since Stephen at Who Ate My Blog asked everyone to give you some encouragement. I just got back from my vacation and although I did indulge and had a great time, I was able to avoid the guilt. I think it is because I just approached this vacation differently and I got right back to healthy eating right away.

I have been through all the thoughts you write about. In fact I sometimes think my being healthy and basically liking myself and being a happy person have been my excuses for avoiding the fact that I ate a lot of junk and didn't workout.

The thing that struck me most is when you talk about finding motivation. Wouldn't it be great if we could bottle the stuff and sell it? But, we can't. Sometimes there is no motivation, and you have to force yourself through those times until it comes back. And it will.

This process, and it is a long one, starts with one healthy choice. The longer you wait, the worse you'll feel. Just do one little thing. It'll make you feel better and you'll find your motivation again.

Kenlie said...

It's a new day full of opportunities to make healthy choices..Leave the past where it belongs. It's over..

Just move forward...

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