I returned from vacation on Sunday night. Oh what a glorious vacation it was. I relaxed. I drank. I ate. And I didn't think about work at all. I was completely happy. I guess ultimately this is why I've been avoiding the blog for the last two days - I fell right back into my 'normal' eating and drinking habits.
After thinking about it, I have never been able to attend family holidays or vacations without falling back into these habits. In my family, we regularly serve a spread of appetizers before the actual meal. Then, by time the meal is served everyone is full, but we all eat anyway. We joke about it and it may be funny for everyone in my family who is normal sized, but for me it is really prohibitive to how I am trying to change my lifestyle. Of course, I don't blame my family for my current eating habits. I am an adult, I decide what I eat and how much. And I choose whether I go exercise or not.
So for the last two days I have made the decision not to eat healthy and to sit on the couch and go to bed at 9 pm. These are the decisions I have made and I know the scale will make me pay.
I'm suffering from having no motivation at all. Why am I so obsessed with changing my eating habits and becoming "healthy" when I am seemingly just as healthy as the size 2 I sat next to at the hair salon tonight?
Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea. This is just a small sampling of the diseases that affect most people who have the same BMI as I do. But I suffer from none of them. Not even pre-Diabetes or borderline blood pressure. Ok so I had low good cholesterol (though not high cholesterol) 2 years ago at my yearly exam, but I've since introduced avocados, almonds, etc into my diet.
My paternal grandmother ate high fat, high calorie foods, drank beer and lived to be 86 years old, so why can't I?
Do I feel better when I exercise? Absoslutely. For some reason that alone isn't enough motivation or enough to fuel my willpower for long.
I'm not asking for someone to give me the magic answers. Mainly I'm just putting my thoughts out there for everyone to read because I haven't posted in over a week and felt guilty about that.