If you are keeping count at home, you've noticed I haven't weighed-in for about 2 weeks. And that weigh in was a disaster. Last week, I was actually down about 5 lbs by my best guesstimate. My scale actually needs new batteries so I'm not sure where I'm at today, but guessing again would lead me to believe I'm probably up from last weekend since I overate this weekend out of boredom.
Truth is, I have been struggling with making any weight loss progress for almost a year now. The funny part about that is I feel better now than I ever have in my life, physically. Working out regularly is part of my everyday life now. I don't have to think about getting to the gym at least 4 times a week and for that I am physically strong. Stronger than I have ever been.
But there's still something inside of me that wants the scale to keep moving down. However, the motivation to make that happen is lost somewhere. Deep down the motivation to want to keep the scale moving down is the fact that I still carry a lot of weight in the bottom half of my body. I've accepted that even though my arms and legs have muscle tone, there is a lot of extra skin - I can deal with that. However, there is still a lot of fat under the extra skin of my stomach and back that makes me completely insecure about my body. It frustrates me that I have lost so much weight and my body still isn't even near "perfect". But, I wonder, is this vanity/insecurity about my body image enough motivation to get on track and stay there?
So, an internal struggle is present with part of me feeling the need to lose 40 more lbs in order to closer to that image in my mind of what I want my body to look like and the other part of me needing to just accept my body for what it is and appreciate what my body DOES do for me (let me run half marathons, complete triathlons, and generally be as active as I want.)
I would venture to guess this internal struggle has been going on for the better part of this last year and has been hindering me from weight loss progress. I don't have the answer today, but I think I am on the right track now that I've come to terms this struggle exists and I can start to sort it out.