Happy Birthday America!

The Fourth of July has long been one of my favorite holidays. For me, it's like Christmas in July - always spent with family at Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri, where I grew up going during the summer. My grandfather on my mom's side built a house there with his own two hands (my dad and uncles helped) in 1987, and it is where I perfected my swimming, diving, paddle boating, and water skiing skills as a kid. Not to mention I got to spend every holiday weekend with my cousins - 17 people in a 2 bedroom, 1 loft, + 2 bathroom house really brings you closer together.

I've only NOT been there over 4th of July twice in my life - once in college when I spent the summer working at a fireworks stand and another time a few years ago when I decided to stay in Nashville for whatever reason.

But in my memory there's always been a reason - work or otherwise.

This year I'm not there and it's killing me. I'm in Nashville. With no reason to be here and I'm alone. Somehow practically everyone I know has made plans to jet out of Nashville for the long holiday weekend, leaving me with a lot of "me" time. Something that I haven't quite been comfortable with over the last several months.

Increasingly, it kills me to be alone. In my earlier years, I used to HOPE to be left alone. Now I can't stand the thought of not having plans for these 4 days off from work I have.

But here I am.

I'm trying so hard to not turn to food to quell my loneliness. History shows me that only makes the feelings worse. Instead, I hope to spend this rainy day catching up on rest, reading, and blog work.

Do you have any holiday traditions? What have you done if you've had to move away from those traditions as you've grown older?

What will you remember about this Christmas?

I've been "home" in St. Louis for the last 36 hours and I'm not going to pretend I've been eating super healthy. But I'm having a great time so far spending time with my family, especially my 4 year old niece. Here are a few gems from our cookie making session on Wednesday night:

First, I gave her the job of unwrapping all the Hershey Kisses for the peanut butter blossoms I was making. I strongly warned her not to eat them since we had not had dinner yet. Every time I looked over at her, it looked like she was eating something. "Madelynnn," I'd say, "are you eating those? Open your mouth and show Auntie Em." And nothing would be in her mouth. After about 3 rounds of this, I saw her put her little fingers out to her mouth - she was eating the little "tips" off the Hershey Kisses! I know I shouldn't, but I couldn't help but laugh.

Then, after an expired peanut butter mishap (seriously, you find the weirdest expired crap in my mom's pantry) I was going to scoop some peanut butter in the trash can and "PLOP!" - a whole scoopful landed on my mom's just cleaned kitchen floor. My niece chimed in, "your mom is going to KILL you!"

I may feel a little guilty about wasting calories on vodka last night and eating too much at dinner, but in 10 years those moments above are what I'll remember from this Christmas. Not how I drank and ate too much or that I gained 5 pounds.