I'm fully expecting a 3-4 lb gain tomorrow.
Sigh, I just had to put that out there. I've done 2 of my 3 training runs (3rd is scheduled for Sunday) and I even did weights last night after my run. I'm trying to incorporate weight training 2x a week.
But my food choices, oh boy my food choices are horrendous. Coming off the flu last weekend, I was craving white, processed carbs. So that's what I ate. And now, even though my body is back to normal, I haven't gone back to healthy eating. Here's just a selection of what I've eaten over the last few days - and I'm sure I'm forgetting some of it!
Today: 2 pumpkin pancakes with a banana and butter and syrup (unmeasured)
Friday: Banana; 4 mini quiches. 2 mini cinnamon rolls, 1 mini muffin and fruit salad; Green salad with ranch dressing, yeast roll with butter, smashed potatoes, 1/2 pan fried chicken breast, 2 bites of turkey with gravy, brownie and peach cobbler; 1 snack bag chex mix, tootsie roll and another mini cinnamon roll; 2 bowls french onion soup with Swiss cheese and croutons, veggie corn dog, 2 mini chocolate candies; 1 snack bag chex mix
Thursday: Peanut butter and pumpkin butter sandwich; banana; cup of clam chowder and half turkey brie cranberry sandwich; black cherry Chobani; 4% cottage cheese with Triscuts; 2 bowls french onion soup with Swiss cheese and croutons; 1 oreo ball; 2 slices bread with pumpkin butter
Wednesday: Peanut butter and pumpkin butter sandwich; banana; cup of french onion soup with half a baguet and Swiss cheese, slice of cheese pizza with black olives; Honeycrisp apple; 4% cottage cheese with Triscuits; 2 veggie corn dogs and sweet potato fries; 1/2 cup chocolate chip ice cream in "waning" peanut butter jar (1T peanut butter?)
If you want to play Where's Waldo, try to find any veggies in my list up there. Although Wed and Thurs are bad, but Friday is by far the worst. We had an event at work and I pretty much put whatever was in front of me in my mouth.
I know I shouldn't do this, but I've already written today off. I'm heading to a Beer, Bourbon and BBQ fest downtown and I fully intend to enjoy it.
Next week. I am back on it and I am committing for the next 4 weeks to be as close to perfect as possible with both food and exercise. By committing to 4 weeks, it breaks what can be big and overwhelming into a small, manageable thing.
Showing posts with label stinkin thinkin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stinkin thinkin. Show all posts
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
I don't want to do this anymore
I am really doubting this whole half marathon training thing. We are now just 9 short weeks from race day and I haven't done more than 6 miles. The last two weekends I haven't done a long run. Furthermore, the last four weeks during the week I've missed runs like crazy. I have plenty of excuses, just pick one - working 50-60 hours a week, illness, traveling to Atlanta two weeks in a row. But when it comes down to it, my heart just hasn't been in it. When I have had the time to do the training, I just don't want to. I'd rather lay around all day and watch 5 episodes of Dexter (I may or may not have done this while I was sick last weekend....ok I did).
Thankfully I have 3 friends counting on me to show up on race day so I won't give up, but what the hell am I going to do to turn this around? I don't want to be one of "those people" who don't train for a race, show up on race day, have a miserable 13.1 miles and hate every moment of something that should be rewarding.
I feel more discouraged than ever because I feel like I've lost ground over the last 2.5 months. I was so good about working out over the summer. But lately? Not so much. I know 90% of the problem is work, but that's not changing any time soon so I can only figure out a way to deal with it.
I'll let you know when I figure it out.
All I can do is get through this week. This week, despite not setting a toe in the gym yet, I WILL do all 3 training runs. Tomorrow 3 miles, Friday 3 miles and Sunday 7 miles.
Even though I don't really want to.
Thankfully I have 3 friends counting on me to show up on race day so I won't give up, but what the hell am I going to do to turn this around? I don't want to be one of "those people" who don't train for a race, show up on race day, have a miserable 13.1 miles and hate every moment of something that should be rewarding.
I feel more discouraged than ever because I feel like I've lost ground over the last 2.5 months. I was so good about working out over the summer. But lately? Not so much. I know 90% of the problem is work, but that's not changing any time soon so I can only figure out a way to deal with it.
I'll let you know when I figure it out.
All I can do is get through this week. This week, despite not setting a toe in the gym yet, I WILL do all 3 training runs. Tomorrow 3 miles, Friday 3 miles and Sunday 7 miles.
Even though I don't really want to.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Fitness Anxiety
Sincerely thank you to everyone for their comments, tweets, texts and calls on the last post and my major let down of a weigh in. I really appreciate the encouragement and suggestions!
I've gotten past my crappy weigh in from this weekend and MOVED ON. Sure, I'm still disappointed that it seems like all my hard work last week was for not, but I have more hard work to look forward to this week.
Last week, I was dealing with a bit of fitness anxiety. I was anxious about the upcoming spin class last Friday and half-marathon in February.
I like trying new things. I'm pretty good about "putting myself out there" but that doesn't come without reservations. When I decided to go to the spin class, I had so many anxious thoughts. Would I be able to keep up? Would I fit comfortably on the bike? What if it's crowded? What if I'm the fattest person there? In the end none of that mattered and I enjoyed the class. It was just my my mind over thinking every thing.
I've been stressing about the half-marathon since I registered. I have done one other half-marathon. It was the Country Music Nashville event from the popular Rock n Roll race series. This race is huge. There are something like over 30,000 participants? Huge! They aren't strict about the 4 hour time limit (my time was 4:18 in 2009) and when you register they ask you your pace and pre-assign you to corrals. Then, at the start of the race, they do wave starts, where every few minutes they release another corral.
Well, unbeknownst to me, the Mercedes event is very small. Tiny. Minuscule. Get it? Only 3,500-4,000 do the half. That's 90% smaller then the size of my last half! And when they didn't ask my pace on the registration I freaked out a bit since I had no idea what to expect at the start line. I ended up calling. It's just one big start (cue: fear of being trampled). They do have corrals for the different pace times (thank God), but still my irrational fear of being trampled is still there. Have I ever told you I was trampled once? Oh, yeah I was. At a concert. Back in the day we lined up all day long to be the first one into general admission rock shows and be front row. Well, at this one venue you had to RUN, up a flight of stairs to get to the mainstage area. Being the clumsy person I am, I fell and people freaking trampled me. Yeah. So fear of being trampled is alive and well in my mind.
My other anxiety ridden thought? Not finishing - or being the last one to finish. I have nothing from my training that would indicate I won't finish within the prescribed 4 hour time limit (my 10 mile walk was a 17:45 pace), but when I constantly read things like, "the half marathon finish line will close promptly at 11:03 am" it puts a lot of pressure on me mentally. It's not even the fact of not getting the medal or whatever other swag they give to official finishers. I just don't want them to deny me crossing that finish line and saying I completed 13.1 miles. Then, looking at the finisher's times last year for the half doesn't help one bit. The slowest person last year in my age group finished in 3:51:20. See? Anxiety.
I know in the end, none of this will matter. However, for the next several weeks it will. Only 4 more "long" walks to go. I'll do 12 miles this week. Then 8 as a recovery and the last two weeks will just be 6 to give my body time to rest (I got off schedule from Christmas, so there should be another 12 miler in there, but I'll be fine).
So, does anyone else suffer from "fitness" anxiety? Or other anxiety in relation to other aspects of your weight or weight loss?
I've gotten past my crappy weigh in from this weekend and MOVED ON. Sure, I'm still disappointed that it seems like all my hard work last week was for not, but I have more hard work to look forward to this week.
Last week, I was dealing with a bit of fitness anxiety. I was anxious about the upcoming spin class last Friday and half-marathon in February.
I like trying new things. I'm pretty good about "putting myself out there" but that doesn't come without reservations. When I decided to go to the spin class, I had so many anxious thoughts. Would I be able to keep up? Would I fit comfortably on the bike? What if it's crowded? What if I'm the fattest person there? In the end none of that mattered and I enjoyed the class. It was just my my mind over thinking every thing.
I've been stressing about the half-marathon since I registered. I have done one other half-marathon. It was the Country Music Nashville event from the popular Rock n Roll race series. This race is huge. There are something like over 30,000 participants? Huge! They aren't strict about the 4 hour time limit (my time was 4:18 in 2009) and when you register they ask you your pace and pre-assign you to corrals. Then, at the start of the race, they do wave starts, where every few minutes they release another corral.
Well, unbeknownst to me, the Mercedes event is very small. Tiny. Minuscule. Get it? Only 3,500-4,000 do the half. That's 90% smaller then the size of my last half! And when they didn't ask my pace on the registration I freaked out a bit since I had no idea what to expect at the start line. I ended up calling. It's just one big start (cue: fear of being trampled). They do have corrals for the different pace times (thank God), but still my irrational fear of being trampled is still there. Have I ever told you I was trampled once? Oh, yeah I was. At a concert. Back in the day we lined up all day long to be the first one into general admission rock shows and be front row. Well, at this one venue you had to RUN, up a flight of stairs to get to the mainstage area. Being the clumsy person I am, I fell and people freaking trampled me. Yeah. So fear of being trampled is alive and well in my mind.
My other anxiety ridden thought? Not finishing - or being the last one to finish. I have nothing from my training that would indicate I won't finish within the prescribed 4 hour time limit (my 10 mile walk was a 17:45 pace), but when I constantly read things like, "the half marathon finish line will close promptly at 11:03 am" it puts a lot of pressure on me mentally. It's not even the fact of not getting the medal or whatever other swag they give to official finishers. I just don't want them to deny me crossing that finish line and saying I completed 13.1 miles. Then, looking at the finisher's times last year for the half doesn't help one bit. The slowest person last year in my age group finished in 3:51:20. See? Anxiety.
I know in the end, none of this will matter. However, for the next several weeks it will. Only 4 more "long" walks to go. I'll do 12 miles this week. Then 8 as a recovery and the last two weeks will just be 6 to give my body time to rest (I got off schedule from Christmas, so there should be another 12 miler in there, but I'll be fine).
So, does anyone else suffer from "fitness" anxiety? Or other anxiety in relation to other aspects of your weight or weight loss?
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Weigh in - Week 31
Last week's weight: 295.4
This week's weight: 295.4
No loss, no gain
34 pounds lost since June 2010
I am pissed.
There's really no other description for my emotion surrounding this week's weigh in. It doesn't help that I woke up in a terrible mood to begin with (however, damnyouautocorrect.com helped a bit with that - thanks Jenne).
I can't even comprehend how no movement on the scale is physically or scientifically possible AT ALL - I had over an 8,000 calorie deficit this week between what I consumed and what I burned.
Maybe this says something for how the type of calories you eat affect weight loss? I ate completely within my calorie range every day this week, but Friday I did eat a high calorie dinner (onion rings, buffalo chicken wrap, buttered croissant...) But, I ate lighter for breakfast and lunch so I was within my goal for the day. And yesterday was a perfect day eating wise.
Or maybe the spin/sculpt workout from Friday that has left me extremely sore has my muscles retaining water? As you can see, I'm at a loss...
To top it all off I'm twice as sore today as I was yesterday and still have my 8 mile walk to get in. And its currently a windchill of 9. That makes me even more of a grumpy pants.
This kind of thing makes me go all, "well who cares what the heck I eat today." And I'm trying not to do that, but I am not doing a very good job as I've ate 730 calories of my 1900 goal already.
I'm not about to let my day get worse by not getting my walk in, so I should go bundle up for that.
This week's weight: 295.4
No loss, no gain
34 pounds lost since June 2010
I am pissed.
There's really no other description for my emotion surrounding this week's weigh in. It doesn't help that I woke up in a terrible mood to begin with (however, damnyouautocorrect.com helped a bit with that - thanks Jenne).
I can't even comprehend how no movement on the scale is physically or scientifically possible AT ALL - I had over an 8,000 calorie deficit this week between what I consumed and what I burned.
Maybe this says something for how the type of calories you eat affect weight loss? I ate completely within my calorie range every day this week, but Friday I did eat a high calorie dinner (onion rings, buffalo chicken wrap, buttered croissant...) But, I ate lighter for breakfast and lunch so I was within my goal for the day. And yesterday was a perfect day eating wise.
Or maybe the spin/sculpt workout from Friday that has left me extremely sore has my muscles retaining water? As you can see, I'm at a loss...
To top it all off I'm twice as sore today as I was yesterday and still have my 8 mile walk to get in. And its currently a windchill of 9. That makes me even more of a grumpy pants.
This kind of thing makes me go all, "well who cares what the heck I eat today." And I'm trying not to do that, but I am not doing a very good job as I've ate 730 calories of my 1900 goal already.
I'm not about to let my day get worse by not getting my walk in, so I should go bundle up for that.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Post vacation blues
I returned from vacation on Sunday night. Oh what a glorious vacation it was. I relaxed. I drank. I ate. And I didn't think about work at all. I was completely happy. I guess ultimately this is why I've been avoiding the blog for the last two days - I fell right back into my 'normal' eating and drinking habits.
After thinking about it, I have never been able to attend family holidays or vacations without falling back into these habits. In my family, we regularly serve a spread of appetizers before the actual meal. Then, by time the meal is served everyone is full, but we all eat anyway. We joke about it and it may be funny for everyone in my family who is normal sized, but for me it is really prohibitive to how I am trying to change my lifestyle. Of course, I don't blame my family for my current eating habits. I am an adult, I decide what I eat and how much. And I choose whether I go exercise or not.
So for the last two days I have made the decision not to eat healthy and to sit on the couch and go to bed at 9 pm. These are the decisions I have made and I know the scale will make me pay.
I'm suffering from having no motivation at all. Why am I so obsessed with changing my eating habits and becoming "healthy" when I am seemingly just as healthy as the size 2 I sat next to at the hair salon tonight?
Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea. This is just a small sampling of the diseases that affect most people who have the same BMI as I do. But I suffer from none of them. Not even pre-Diabetes or borderline blood pressure. Ok so I had low good cholesterol (though not high cholesterol) 2 years ago at my yearly exam, but I've since introduced avocados, almonds, etc into my diet.
My paternal grandmother ate high fat, high calorie foods, drank beer and lived to be 86 years old, so why can't I?
Do I feel better when I exercise? Absoslutely. For some reason that alone isn't enough motivation or enough to fuel my willpower for long.
I'm not asking for someone to give me the magic answers. Mainly I'm just putting my thoughts out there for everyone to read because I haven't posted in over a week and felt guilty about that.
After thinking about it, I have never been able to attend family holidays or vacations without falling back into these habits. In my family, we regularly serve a spread of appetizers before the actual meal. Then, by time the meal is served everyone is full, but we all eat anyway. We joke about it and it may be funny for everyone in my family who is normal sized, but for me it is really prohibitive to how I am trying to change my lifestyle. Of course, I don't blame my family for my current eating habits. I am an adult, I decide what I eat and how much. And I choose whether I go exercise or not.
So for the last two days I have made the decision not to eat healthy and to sit on the couch and go to bed at 9 pm. These are the decisions I have made and I know the scale will make me pay.
I'm suffering from having no motivation at all. Why am I so obsessed with changing my eating habits and becoming "healthy" when I am seemingly just as healthy as the size 2 I sat next to at the hair salon tonight?
Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, sleep apnea. This is just a small sampling of the diseases that affect most people who have the same BMI as I do. But I suffer from none of them. Not even pre-Diabetes or borderline blood pressure. Ok so I had low good cholesterol (though not high cholesterol) 2 years ago at my yearly exam, but I've since introduced avocados, almonds, etc into my diet.
My paternal grandmother ate high fat, high calorie foods, drank beer and lived to be 86 years old, so why can't I?
Do I feel better when I exercise? Absoslutely. For some reason that alone isn't enough motivation or enough to fuel my willpower for long.
I'm not asking for someone to give me the magic answers. Mainly I'm just putting my thoughts out there for everyone to read because I haven't posted in over a week and felt guilty about that.
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